just part
23 December 2006
Just Part
Almost
on the verge of
tears, I will not allow
myself to cry, although I don’t
know why.
It’s pride
I guess; a man
is not meant to express
his emotions or lose control
some say.
And yet
I feel so much
more than I let others
see, fooling no one, honestly,
at all.
Why do
I hide behind
my masks and my control,
sharing just part of myself, not
the whole?
origins
21 December 2006
Origins
“Where do you come from?”
she asked of the Sun,
“From your dark possibilities
and dreams left undone.”
“Where do you come from,
white clouds in blue sky?”
“From all you imagine,
from each questioning ‘Why?’”
“Where do you come from?”
she asked of the stream,
“From mystery and wonder,
when first you believe.”
“Where do you come from,
twinkling stars in the night?”
“From all of your wishes,
and childhood delight.”
“And where do I come from?”
she asked with a smile,
but some answers must wait,
at least for awhile.
abecedarian based on fours
19 December 2006
Abecedarian (based on Fours)
autumn fallacies cloud
boyhood reminiscence behind
closed eyes …
dark memories hide – innocent
days, oblivious to the inevitability of
death, playfully slip through my fingers
down the unobserved sieve of Time.
dry creek beds and overgrown summer fields,
dumb games of make-believe,
earth our home, imagination an infinite frontier.
enter each secret adventure, face and defeat
evil in all its forms, be the hero,
exit into the happy-ever-after …
fast shadows creep up on me, unaware my
future becomes the Now of responsibility.
girl transforms into woman, and God said “It is not
good for the man to be alone …”
happiness is abstract and subjective.
hate becomes a by-product of life, a view from a
hill, when ascension becomes impossible and the
land below grows intolerable and
life itself loses its meaning, its purpose …
light intrudes, unwanted, into the darkness of
love – another magical fairy-tale so few truly find.
man procreates himself – I didn’t ask to be born.
needs and instinctive desires choose.
night covers my shame and my tears, like an
ocean of regrets washing up onto a forgotten shore.
open up to memory and experience the
past as a watcher, an observer, standing outside of the
pull of temptations and the
push of societal expectations and demands.
right is a direction, not a polar opposite of wrong.
sad is an emotional reaction, nothing more.
short – life seems small sometimes, yet the
sky can stretch and expand, reflecting my heart.
slow movement and change are
smart, for something is always better than nothing.
sour and sweet, separately and together entice my senses, like
spring tempered with fall, always balanced,
strong and weak, merely two sides of the same choices.
summer lulls with a mystical slowness and calming peacefulness.
sweet pleasure can only be appreciated when we know pain.
tall mountains beckon from the deepest valleys,
today breathes in and out within its self-made boundaries,
tomorrow waits, just beyond, always just beyond …
up is nonsense without paradoxical correspondence,
valley – where I experience life in all its complexities;
want is fleeting, malleable, unsatisfying.
weak, but unwilling to admit it, even to myself,
wet, but fearfully treading water forever,
winter must come, the Wheel of Life must turn, and
woman is both completion and counterpoint.
wrong is merely an excuse, after the fact … like
yesterday – and there can never be a going back.
inbetween times
14 December 2006
in-between times
It’s those in-between times,
those empty portals of infinite possibilities
staring back at me
like eyes, full of accusations,
reflecting a depth of sorrow without words.
It’s those gut-wrenching seconds
that slowly tick past,
so quietly unobtrusive,
yet so loud, remarking about
wasted opportunities,
about potential unrealized,
about anything, something, rather than
nothing.
Time is beyond my control,
I merely observe its passing.
Space is beyond my control,
I merely exist within its boundaries.
Control is about choices,
and I persist in self-deception,
believing I have both.
with your name
10 December 2006
With Your Name
Someone else,
with your name,
immortalized themselves
in wet cement,
and I stepped
over it,
hardened by time,
yet softened
by memories.
every 3000 miles
05 November 2006
Every 3,000 miles (you gotta change the oil)
It’s just a fact of life,
everything gets old, breaks down, wears out,
fails, rusts, stops working,
falls apart, gets dirty, erodes,
dies, wilts, tears,
rips, cracks, evaporates,
dries up, peels, disintegrates,
fades away, snaps,
dries out, molds, spoils,
rots, corrodes, depreciates,
atrophies, sags, separates,
changes, burns out, diminishes …
It’s just a fact of life,
everything becomes empty, stripped, devalued,
forgotten, outgrown, obsolete,
closed, unscrewed, detached,
diseased, negative, untrue,
clogged, plugged, meaningless,
black, darkness, impossibility,
winter …
It’s just a fact of life,
everything must be buried, reapplied, changed,
reborn, cleaned, rebuilt,
mended, recharged, discarded,
reconnected, duct taped, recycled,
fixed, refilled, glued,
refinished, healed, reinvented,
junked, rejuvenated, remembered,
opened, renewed, patched,
remade, repainted, possible again,
repaired, put back together, replaced,
thrown out, replanted, replenished,
tossed, restored, transplanted,
resurrected, unclogged, reunited,
maintained, rewired, revived like spring …
fours
23 November 2006
Four’s
want sour earth need
enter woman today death
wet autumn yesterday tomorrow
push hate past sad
day land light pull
spring future open smart
summer dark up evil
wrong hill good night
life girl valley today
love dry happy exit
short right strong down
dumb fast sweet tall
slow closed boy winter
ocean weak man sky
(see also Abecedarian: based on Four’s)
Training
05 November 2006
Training
Walking the tracks,
stepping from one tie to the next,
staring down at my feet.
A teetering balance:
steel infinity – before, behind …
just keep moving, even
after the fall.
haiku
01 November 2006
Haiku
I should have known better
than to promise her forever
— it’s not mine.
Purple's Platitudes 