Purple's Platitudes

nothing but words …

Ambivalent

21 January 2010

Ambivalent

I perpetually stand at a crossroads,

facing each direction, peering every which way

but I remain ambivalent.

 

It’s not that I am stuck,

indecisive about choosing a new direction,

it’s not that I am holding on too tightly

to something, or someone I’ve left behind,

it’s not that I am afraid, too frightened of the unknowns

that I cannot commit to moving forward,

I am simply ambivalent.

 

I am a creature of habit,

comfortable within a routine,

settled in the familiar,

at least I try to convince myself of this.

 

At times, I am a visionary, far-seeing,

while at other times, I am simply a realist,

confined to what is … the black and whites of

this is how it is, right here, right now.

 

I dream, but only within, where it is safe, no risk,

or even on the blank page,

where anything and everything is possible,

acceptable, without judgment, cost, or demands.

 

I’ve travelled landscapes of apathy,

lost my way on thousands of tangents, safely,

but, still, at my core,

I remain ambivalent.

 

In the mirror, when I allow it,

seeing my true reflection,

I see someone reaching,

but frightened of leaning out too far,

overextending,

committing to change.

 

It’s fine to dream, but …

 

I believe I will always be frightened of change,

terrified of the honesty and work,

difficult, painful work,

that resolving my own ambivalence about my Self,

about my place in this world would require.

 

But, maybe that is okay;

I am fine with ambivalence!

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22 January, 2010 - Posted by | Poetry |

1 Comment »

  1. lovely imagery.

    Comment by Kora-Leah Meet Faust Wilson | 19 January, 2015 | Reply


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