in less than 27 days

06 September 2015

 

I always knew. I guess deep down, everyone knows. We try to stay busy, distracted, hoping perhaps that if we don’t slow down we won’t have to think about it or face it. I’ve filled up my life with as much as I possibly could,.This and that activity, more and more responsibility, more social events than I could squeeze onto my calendar, hobbies, recreation, leisure, family and friends, clubs and charities. You name it and I either was involved, or at least had been at some point.

 

… in less than 27 days

 

The thought insisted itself somehow, despite my every effort to not think about it. It was like the foundational joke in advertising, tell them not to think of pink elephants, and we guarantee their first thought will be … All of my busyness amounted to absolutely nothing. Oh sure, it sort of worked, for a while at least.

 

Don’t get the wrong idea, I do not have an obsession with it, or that morbid curiosity that I sometimes encounter in others about it. I admit it crops up in my thoughts from time to time, but I don’t dwell on it. We all know it is inevitable, right? That doesn’t mean I have to think about it or focus on it. I can’t change it. I know it comes to all of us at some point and there isn’t a damn thing we can do about it.

 

I am always amused whenever I hear about it happening to someone else or read about it in the papers or see something on TV. The emphasis always seems to be on it happening suddenly, or unexpectedly. It might be a little crass to make fun of that, but come on, does anyone really plan for this to happen? Does it ever happen without being sudden or when we expect it?

 

… in less than 27 days

 

We spend so much time and effort trying to avoid it, to not think about it, to somehow pretend, but we never really fool ourselves. It is coming, for all of us. Those little reminders inside of our heads, those unguarded moments when we find ourselves thinking about itcannot be completely avoided It happens and “it” will happen. The sooner we accept that, come to terms with it however we can, the better off we will be. It makes no sense to live our lives as if it won’t somehow happen to us,. Bravely pretending we do not care is never really a solution either. No one else believes that, and honestly, most of the time, we would be better off if we didn’t try to be delusional. Fact one, it will definitely happen. Fact two, fact one cannot be changed.

 

… in less than 27 days

 

I should be prepared, after all, it should never be a surprise. I shouldn’t expect anyone to make a big deal over it. I might get mentioned in a couple of sentences in the paper, a few vital statistics shared with the rest of the world, mentioned, and quickly forgotten. We display the condolences and try to show appreciation for the well wishes,. Some observe a period of mourning, grieving something lost, real or imagined. Others prefer to celebrate, to focus on the positives.

 

Up until a couple of weeks ago, I hadn’t given it much thought. Then someone had to bring it to my attention. Just a remark, a teasing poke with a sharp stick, but it was enough to worm its way into my brain. Pink elephants … in less than 27 days. What the hell, it is not like I am dying or something. Happy Birthday! Yeah, whatever.